Friday, February 24
Friday Fun and Final Weigh In
OK, this only makes sense if you watched the time killer on NBC a few days ago where Sam Waterston narrates the grueling Nordic cross country race between Norway and Italy in Lillehammer. I best remember those Olympics as the one where David Letterman's mom had a regular turn on late night TV and there was a shitload of banshees in the opening ceremonies. Anyway, I'm at the point where they're heading into the final leg.
Leif Ericson vs. Papageno("The vengeance of Hell is in my heart").
Will it be the icy pistons of the Norweigian legs or the scrappy Italian grit that wins the race?
Will I get those sleeves done or does the school nurse call again?
Will I get the whole thing put together or deal with another time change on tomorrow's baseball practice? And what about buying a gift for the birthday party on Sunday that falls smack dab in the middle of the day? The pressure mounts...and can Fernando start on the trim paint before this afternoon's expected showers?
Stay tuned........I promise if I actually pull this off, all of Norway will fall silent in stunned disbelief.
SOUTH BEACH DIET:
Final weigh-in was this morning and here are the results:
Mr. Mary lost almost 10 pounds. Hey, let's give him the full 10 for artistic achievement in recycling the ratatouille for 3 meals and technical points for cracking open a bottle of Caymus Conundrum 12 hours before the official deadline.
Myself--I lost 5 pounds. Fine, about what I expected. My role in all of this was to be moral support. Just like when the DH was my birthing coach during labors #1 and 2. Of course, after the epidurals, I needed a nap more than some idiot making 'hoo-hoo-hee-hee' noises at me.
What can I say? After the week I've had I have to indulge my inner juvenile. So this week's topic will be middle-aged fairy tale characters. Feel free to contribute your own sick&twisted ideas.
Crapunzel suffers from female pattern baldness.
Rumpledstiltskin is too cheap to go to the dry cleaners.
Sleepless Beauty needs to get a new prescription for Ambien.
The Seven Dwarves never got over the 2000 Democratic Convention.
Prince Charmin spent too much time on that steed and now waits for the Preparation H to take effect.
Old Mother Hubbard has opened a gourmet bakery for dogs.
Little Jack Porno watches "Boogie Nights' and dreams of Heather Graham.
Little Miss Stuffit survived the dot.com crash and opened a yarn shop in San Jose.
Wee Willie Winkie still thinks the Swedish penile enhancer from "Austin Powers" is genius.
Little Red Riding Hood aka 'Lil Red' hangs out with Missy Elliot and Wyclef Jean.
Humpty Dumpty published his autobiography and got listed on Oprah's Book Club.
Jack and Jill totally bombed in their bid for freestyle skiing gold at the Olympics.
Jack Sprat and his wife published a bestselling diet book and went through an acrimonius divorce, licking that platter clean.
Snow White's evil stepsisters got book deals after their knitting shows took off.
Mary, Mary Quite Contrary turned out to be a lesbian dominatrix with her own jewelry making show on cable TV.
I know I'm leaving out a whole bunch but that's what your little grey haired cells are for.
Rock On, Knitsters! That really grates on my nerves.
Posted by Mary, Mary... at 8:34 AM