Tuesday, February 7

Training Tips for Knitaletes

For all you knitaletes out there, this is good practical advice for your Olympic endeavors and anytime you knit.
I do think BeadLizard left out a few minor tips:

"Take frequent water breaks. Wine, say a nice Barolo, may be substituted after 5 p.m. in your time zone." Unless, you're the idiot who's starting the South Beach diet in support of El Flabbo, oops, Mr. Mary.

"Here in the Olympic Village, knitaletes are encouraged to strive for their personal best. Minor distractions like childcare, laundry, bill paying, and menu planning will not be tolerated and are considered detrimental to the epic task at hand."

"Reserve at least one remote control to override non-Olympic viewing choices, i.e. Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, or CNN.'

"Children make excellent personal trainers. Enlist them often to administer back rubs and foot massages. They respond more positively to bribes than threats. If children are not available in your household, friends or spouses make good substitutes. Bribes may involve monetary negotiations when using adult trainers."

"The Olympic teams have spent a lot of time and money on spiffy new uniforms. Please change your underwear."

"The Olympic spirit embraces camaraderie and fair play. Invite fellow knitaletes for viewing parties so you can interact with other humans and spy on their projects."

"Blogging is not a listed sport in the Olympics."

"Skiers wipe out and figure skaters fall. Ripping out is one the many knitting perils, suck it up."

"Do not EVEN think about using a finished project as back-up."

Clarification: Biathlon is traditionally a ski and shooting event. This does not mean knit AND shoot. No exceptions, regardless of the extreme circumstances.

2 comments:

krisknits2 said...

You are way too funny! Biathalon... *snort*

knittingnurse said...

I must know. What is your connection to Cuba? I am first generation cuban-american. In fact, I posted a Jose Marti poem on the silent poetry meme. Are you from a cuban family as well?? Can I have dual olympianship as in Team USA AND Team CUBA??????

PLEEEAAAZZZZZEEEE?????