Monday, February 27

Back to......normal?

IT'S GOING TO TAKE A HELLUVA LOT OF WORK TO GO FROM THIS:



TO THIS.


Sunday, February 26

TEAM CUBA STUNS NORWAY!!!!

HOLY CATS, I PULLED IT OFF!

First sleeve blocked this am. Why did I get all designery and go 'kimono?' 20 inches by 14 inches, slip stitch pattern, followed by st.st., more slip stitch w/2 yarns then Turkish stitch with silk. Now, for #2. This is like knitting a whole other sweater, for cripe's sake.
My cousin stares at me when I tell her why I'm leaving her kid's birthday party. "Knitting Olympics?" "Hey, I'm an UberGoober, gotta run."

Tick,tick,tick,knit,knit,knit, growl at kids, neglect ailing spouse, forgot to feed dog, tick,tick,tick,knit,knit,knit. Check TV guide for actual time of ceremonies. Go into 'run silent, run deep' mode. Boys are watching "Ace Ventura:Pet Detective." I really should pay more attention to the ratings on those things. They're repeating every curse word they hear and howling with laughter.

Sleeve two done. I do a 10 minute block job on it and crochet an edge on the ratty neckline.(I should redo that later). 30 minutes to go and I seam the sleeves. I must join these sleeves to the already seamed shoulder/armhole opening. Aaargh! In sewing circles, it's known as allowing for ease. Hell yeah I measured, but this is knitting--it sttttrrrretches. Boys come in for goodnight kiss, want maternal interaction. I want some bourbon interaction. Bandit finds his chess club medal in case I make it and then informs me that he prayed for me at church. From your lips to God's ears, kiddo.


Finish seams. Put on kimono/jacket thing. Twirl around. Paw through jewelry box for pin. Stop husband from going out for milk to take pictures. Instruct husband how to use digital camera. Race to computer.

I know I look like Glenda the Good witch but those are knitting needles. I'll deal with the loose ends later. Ahh, the all important butt coverage. And you know, I really like it! It's lightweight and embodies all the mussel qualities I was seeking in a sweater. It makes me feel like finding a beach, burying myself in the sand and spitting out water through a tiny hole. I mean how connected is that?

Please save your Bea Arthur/Maude jokes for Monday.


So, a big huge thanks, besos y abrazos to everyone for their support. Really. I mean really really. And let's not forget Senora Harlot for plunging us all into this insanity. Dux Famina Facti, baby! And one last pic for Annie......

CURLING ROCKS!


Norway waits with bated breath

One sleeve left. Must finish the neckline. Should put in a crochet edge on the bottom hem. Bandit has to go to first communion class in the morning(I didn't think about this when I married a Cuban), birthday party for the boys' favorite cousin at noon(now, c'mon, that's my family), DH has fallen to stomach bug with a vengeance(no wine at all after South Beach deadline). Then I get a comment from Oslo--oh dear, where's Sam Waterston?

Friday, February 24

Friday Fun and Final Weigh In














KNITTING OLYMPICS:
OK, this only makes sense if you watched the time killer on NBC a few days ago where Sam Waterston narrates the grueling Nordic cross country race between Norway and Italy in Lillehammer. I best remember those Olympics as the one where David Letterman's mom had a regular turn on late night TV and there was a shitload of banshees in the opening ceremonies. Anyway, I'm at the point where they're heading into the final leg.

Leif Ericson vs. Papageno("The vengeance of Hell is in my heart").
Will it be the icy pistons of the Norweigian legs or the scrappy Italian grit that wins the race?
Will I get those sleeves done or does the school nurse call again?
Will I get the whole thing put together or deal with another time change on tomorrow's baseball practice? And what about buying a gift for the birthday party on Sunday that falls smack dab in the middle of the day? The pressure mounts...and can Fernando start on the trim paint before this afternoon's expected showers?
Stay tuned........I promise if I actually pull this off, all of Norway will fall silent in stunned disbelief.

SOUTH BEACH DIET:
Final weigh-in was this morning and here are the results:
Mr. Mary lost almost 10 pounds. Hey, let's give him the full 10 for artistic achievement in recycling the ratatouille for 3 meals and technical points for cracking open a bottle of Caymus Conundrum 12 hours before the official deadline.
Myself--I lost 5 pounds. Fine, about what I expected. My role in all of this was to be moral support. Just like when the DH was my birthing coach during labors #1 and 2. Of course, after the epidurals, I needed a nap more than some idiot making 'hoo-hoo-hee-hee' noises at me.

FRIDAY FUN:
What can I say? After the week I've had I have to indulge my inner juvenile. So this week's topic will be middle-aged fairy tale characters. Feel free to contribute your own sick&twisted ideas.

Crapunzel suffers from female pattern baldness.
Rumpledstiltskin is too cheap to go to the dry cleaners.
Sleepless Beauty needs to get a new prescription for Ambien.
The Seven Dwarves never got over the 2000 Democratic Convention.
Prince Charmin spent too much time on that steed and now waits for the Preparation H to take effect.
Old Mother Hubbard has opened a gourmet bakery for dogs.
Little Jack Porno watches "Boogie Nights' and dreams of Heather Graham.
Little Miss Stuffit survived the dot.com crash and opened a yarn shop in San Jose.
Wee Willie Winkie still thinks the Swedish penile enhancer from "Austin Powers" is genius.
Little Red Riding Hood aka 'Lil Red' hangs out with Missy Elliot and Wyclef Jean.
Humpty Dumpty published his autobiography and got listed on Oprah's Book Club.
Jack and Jill totally bombed in their bid for freestyle skiing gold at the Olympics.
Jack Sprat and his wife published a bestselling diet book and went through an acrimonius divorce, licking that platter clean.
Snow White's evil stepsisters got book deals after their knitting shows took off.
Mary, Mary Quite Contrary turned out to be a lesbian dominatrix with her own jewelry making show on cable TV.

I know I'm leaving out a whole bunch but that's what your little grey haired cells are for.
Rock On, Knitsters! That really grates on my nerves.

Thursday, February 23

Sunny Day!




Let us take a moment to honor the memory of Bruce Hart, who wrote the lyrics for the "Sesame Street" song....Sunny day, sweeping the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?
Oh, yeah, he also wrote "You Take My Breath Away." The cause of death was lung cancer.

So, now I'm feeling all perky after yesterday's bluesfest. Check out bad boy Fernando--he's got more metal on his face than Jaws in the Bond movies. He kinda looks like a Latino Shrek, in a good way. Really, he's a sweetie and a great housepainter. I'm loving the yellow and can't wait until the green trim goes on. Evil Mr. Wilson has already made an appearance and has parked his Lexus SUV about 20 blocks away to avoid any paint particles on his car. No one said anything about spit particles, heh-heh-heh.

KNITTING OLYMPICS:
I am very close to finishing the body of this damned jacket which I can then block. If I start the sleeves tonight it will be a miracle.

SOUTH BEACH DIET:
Final weigh-in is tomorrow. I'm am bored and very grumpy with this Phase I torture. Everything tastes blah, I hate nuts and cheese sticks. I used to love Fresca...no more. DH is looking thinner. If I lose anything, I'm positive it will only make my butt look even bigger. The only upside is this justifies some serious stash enhancement.
Now I must tend to the permanent resident on our couch--Bandit is still out with a stomach bug. Talk about bored and grumpy....!

Wednesday, February 22

Downtime


The alarm clock announced 6:30 am a few hours ago. Children have dressed, breakfasted and been taken to school by their father who is now at work. I am alone with the dog in a quiet empty house for the first time in days. A long shower, a cup of strong coffee and a look at the headlines. I put the newspaper down and my thoughts turn to knitting and finishing up my project. I know I have a couple of hours to let the different yarns slide through my fingers into a steady rhythm with a slight change in beat when I switch from knit to purl. Maybe I'll listen to some music, watch a little TV or maybe nothing at all. Just the noises of the house, a car driving by, the dog periodically going out to bark at a neighbor's cat, the plastic dog door making a whump whump sound everytime he passes through it.

The phone rings and it's the school nurse, the third time in 2 weeks. The youngest child is complaining of stomach pains, no fever and would I like to speak to him? I reassure him that I'm on my way. I stop at the store to pick up nausea medicine, dog food, apple juice and for some reason, bird seed. He's playing quietly, resting, reading while I look for the Campbell's chicken soup.

Monday, February 20

There is a Diet God

OH HAPPY DAY!

Just
look at what Mr. Mary found at Whole Foods. I can personally attest that this is as good as it gets, my little South Beach diet divas. I thought the DH had scored big with the sugar free chocolate gelato but, wow!, this is 200 grams of nonstop chocobliss. I ate a square of this and could only say, "There is a diet god and she speaks to me."
(The label does say 'Excess consumption may cause a laxative effect.' Disregard this as a mere example of overstated caution.)

We survived week one of this self-imposed culinary torture without any lapses except for an exception made for Friday night. My old UT pal and former NYC roommate, CLH, was visiting from London so we hooked up with another friend at a wine bar. Yes, I nursed 2 glasses of wine(the shock! the horror! Dr. Agatston shakes his head) for about 4 hours while chatting about kids, old friends, politics and wine gums vs. fruit pastilles. Riveting stuff, I know, but lots of laughs all around. Mr. Mary has lost about 8 lbs. so far and I have lost
jack. His mom tells me nothing happened until the second week for her but I think it's a ploy cooked up between them to keep me on it. I did promise.....

KNITTING OLYMPICS:
I've been watching more hockey than anything else as nighttime is spent getting the boys sorted, then hanging around the food bowl. I have managed to march my way across the back using 'Welting Fantastic' from Barbara Walker, Vol. 1. Ahhh, you didn't know I was knitting side to side, did you? Clever monkey me! I asked the DH if he thought it was too 70's afghan. He replied that he thought a lot of handknits had that 70's 'feel.' I can't take this seriously because this is coming from a man whose favorite sweater in the whole world
is a grey fisherman's ribbed pullover his mom bought at Corte Ingles in Madrid about 100 years ago. AND it's acrylic. How can I expect him to appreciate the very essence of mussel in my textured stitches when he could carbon date half his wardrobe?

I did slip past the guards on Sunday and sneak off to the bookstore. Here's my haul:
Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
Two sweaters for my father, by Perri Klass
1000 Great Knitting Motifs, by Luise Roberts
Wrap Style, by Pam Allen & Ann Budd
Knitting in Plain English, by Maggie Righetti
Kaffe Fassett's Pattern Library
Some of these are to round out my collection--I have Righetti's Sweater Design already, and some are just for perusing. I also got the new IK Spring issue. I'm joining the Sunrise Circle Jacket KAL afer the Olympics. I'll have to do it in cotton, though and I'll post the KAL link when I get it.

HOME FRONT:

I just knew it. Knew it, knew it, knew IT. Bandit woke us up this morning at 6am with crying and an upset stomach. Here we go again. He moaned and I knitted while watching the 'blink and you miss it' action of the US men vs. Canada in curling this am. Curling seems to have a sedative effect on both of us so I think I'll go join him for a toasty nap.......

Friday, February 17

Knitter's Quiz and Friday Fun

I just doublechecked the blasted quiz and it works. If you have a problem, try this link and put 'knitter's quiz' in the search field.knitter's quiz So, I'm a little meme/html challenged--it makes me special.

Hey kids,
Looks like everyone in knitting blogland is a little behind and/or bored right now with their Knitting Olympics projects. I finally made some headway on the jacket and I'm working on the back. A cold front moved in and it's around 40 degrees here in Austin. Big deal, you say. Well, we had a record breaking 83 degrees yesterday and I had the AC on, so if this doesn't mean more sick kids, I don't know what does.
Anyway, let's goof off a little with some treats I've picked up on the internet. Yeah, yeah--been there, done that. But if you're reading this, then it's not like you're working or connecting with your inner domestic goddess or anything...
Your Birthdate: June 29

You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet.
Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings.
You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments.
You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action.
Your strength: Your vivid imagination
Your weakness: Fear of failure
Your power color: Coral
Your power symbol: Oval
Your power month: November
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Don't you love it? Who knew I had a thing for ovals? I have been more into coral lately...hmm, fear of failure? Join the planet, Skippy. On to other glimpses of our inner ganglia:



ColorQuiz.commary took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Hopes that ties of affection and good-fellowship w..."


Click here to read the rest of the results.

Well, Color Me Beautiful, it ain't. My profiles are getting bleaker and bleaker by the moment.

Here's the link for one of those word cloud thingies where it scans your blog for most commonly used text. I think I should use more curse words with that one. And thanks to Lobstah for the Simpson's Personality quiz. I turned out to be Barney. This is going from bad to worse.
Let's find something a little more cheery, like "You're a sahm, lady. You've got sahm tattooed all over your forehead. You could have been a media pundit or a great chef, but nooooo. You had to knit!"
Boy, have I been watching too much Johnny Weir or what? Oh, here's a good one--the Celebrity Jailbirds Quiz.

Here's the treat you've all been waiting for:
My Knitter's Quiz!

Finally, some good news. Have fun!

Thursday, February 16

Just Grip It and Rip It

Even Homer Nods.....

What a fookin' drag. First, let me describe what I'm trying to design and knit. The name: "Venus in a Halfshell." A long jacket with bands of blues and purples that mimic the colors of a mussel shell. Some textured stitches to add that sexy oyster element. We had mussels for dinner awhile back and I was mesmorized by the colors in the shells...ok, maybe I was playing 'Mr. Mussel talks to the Hand.'
BUT, those colors were niiiice...just the thing for my first attempt at Procion MX dyeing on some random skeins I had in my stash. So, I dyed up the different yarns and was very pleased with the results. All I had to do was whip up a little pattern and Bob's your uncle. Hah!

Then, Little Miss Knidiot had the bright idea to integrate the border pattern into the knitting so I wouldn't have to pick up nine jillion stitches later and then knit said border. What a pinche /dumbass idea that was.







Barf-O-Matic.
I cast on and started a moss stitch border, then after 3 inches got to the part where I was knitting the body in rev. st. st., then the border while shaping for the shawl collar neckline. Still with me?
After about 8 inches of this lunacy, I realized that between making color changes and keeping the border pattern intact I had one sorry-ass looking piece of work. Only one thing to do--back to the drawing board.









I cast on again, this time without the border, changed my stripes into ridges and now we're much better....I even threw in some yarnovers to keep the abalones happy. So now, all I have to do is finish this front section, move on to the back and the other front. Easy-peasy! Oh, and the sleeves, then the border and few extra touches all before the closing ceremonies. And I do have an Uncle Bob, FYI.

SOUTH BEACH:

We're hanging in there. Mr. Mary has lost a couple of lbs. I'm trying not to weigh myself and obsess. We do get to eat half a side of beef for dinner. I've been craving stuff like Ben&Jerry's Chunky Monkey at odd times of the day--my friend Meredith(the venison chili was perfect, by the way) says that's from the lack of booze. I've also been drinking gallons of Klass' Jamaica drink mix made with Splenda. Here are two cookbooks that have helped with recipes, they're old and probably out of date but worth finding if you're a foodie on a diet:
Cuisine Minceur, by Michel Guerard (Wm. Morrow, 1976, in English) This is old school French which means there's always another sauce to make so you have that one crucial tablespoon for your recipe. Bear that in mind and make substitutions.
The Gourmet Gazelle Cookbook, by Ellen Brown (Bantam, 1991) Ellen Brown had a gourmet take-out shop in NYC (think Silver Palate Lite) in 1987 which opened to great press but didn't survive. Luckily, she cranked out this great collection of regional/international lowfat recipes.
Another example of the book surviving the restaurant...the Sugar Reef in NYC was one of our alltime faves in late 80's NYC. They're long gone, but our taped and dogeared copy of The Sugar Reef Caribbean Cookbook, by Devra Dedeaux (Dell, 1989) still delivers. There's an awesome espresso chocolate torte recipe that gets made for really, really special occasions. Try finding these titles at Kitchen Arts&Letters where the manager, Matt Sartwell, was my evil boss in another life.

HOME FRONT:


Me wee bairn, Tex, is still dodgy so he's home curled up in bed. The fever aka 'Marley's Ghost' makes an appearance nightly around 7pm which puts the kibbosh on school. DS is surviving on chicken noodle soup, saltines, 7-Up, H2O and Star Wars Battlefront II. The painters have taped the windows with plastic and are spraying primer all over our brick exterior in preparation of "Moneypit Project #51, sub clause C." Our nasty beige brick 50's ranch will go all tropical with yellow paint and green trim. I think it will be bright and festive, y'know happy. I think our neighbor, Mr. Wilson, would call it something else...say, cold boogers on a paper plate. Look, when even your own kids won't trick-or-treat the neighbor's house, you know there's some seriously bad karma over there. That's why my yarn hag looks at his house:

DON'T WORRY, KNIT HAPPY!


Tuesday, February 14

Team Cuba Tumbles in First Round


KNITTING OLYMPICS

The bills are paid, the dog's been fed and my needles are poised when....ahOOOgah,ahOOOgah.
"Miss Muffet speaking."
"Hello, this is the nurse calling from Classy Elementary school and your son, Tex, is here in the office complaining of stomach pains."
"Right, I'll be there in about 10-15 minutes."

This happened at 11 am, my pretties, and said child is in bed with a fever clutching Curious George(never a good sign). The nurse said there's a bug going around and that her kids were out for four days. FOUR days! We're seeing the doctor this afternoon and I'm bringing my knitting(natch).

So, while TeamCuba may not have clocked herself on the luge or have been airlifted from the slopes to hospital, she's been waylaid by a stomach bug.
We expect a statement from the team medical advisor, TBA on Radio Marti.

By the way, Happy Valentine's Day!
(thanks to South Beach, no chocolate, no champers.......sex? I'll have to check the phase I list)





Sunday, February 12

TEAM CUBA Weighs In

SOUTH BEACH DIET
Yesterday was a normal day in so many ways....Final prep for South Beach
Yum, Cookie Pizza! Thank you, Sugar Gods!
Now say good-bye to Spam and Ho-Hos, confit de canard and chateauneuf de Pape, the big day has arrived......South Beach diet starts NOW. Here's the results from this morning's weigh in:

Mr. Mary, stepping on the scales: "Wow, you really do weigh less in the morning."
Me: "Oldest trick in the book. Even better after you poop."
Mr. Mary thinks for a moment, then sighs heavily and rolls his eyes.
We found the Splenda hiding behind the Banania and Rold Gold Tiny Twists. I grab the lowfat milk, make a cup of coffee and, so the diet begins...

OLYMPICS
You know, I doublechecked to see if Cuba was even participating in the Winter Olympics. Costa Rica, you go Tropical Knits, and Jamaica are there but no Cuba. Here's their flag just in case you spot one: now, here's the Texas flag: Gee, do I see a little similarity there? Apparently, Cuba was inspired by the Texans' fight for independence from Mexico/Spain and adapted the same idea for their flag when they gained their independence from Spain.Poor Spain...
I didn't get to see Texan Chad Hedrick kick Sven Kramer's butt in the speedskating, because nooooo, NBC had to treat us to South Beach Diet-deprived Dick Button as the talking Magic 8 Ball on the figure skating pairs short program. Sorry, all you figure skating fans, but I watch figure skating much like I do the rodeo--laughing at the tacky get-ups and waiting for someone to get hurt. (It's sick but at least I admit it.)
All you figure skating lovin' knitters should check out tangodiva's blog. By the time NBC got over the throw triple axel, the dinner bell rang. Oh, by the way, Tex and Bandit inform me that Shaun White is the guy in the McDonald's commercials--not some carrot-top dweeb, apparently.

KNITTING OLYMPICS
OK, I haven't really started. Hysterical laughter, shrieks of delight...Oh, just put a sock in it, will you?
Weekends here on Planet Mary turn into some kind of Spielberg induced suburban nightmare. Yes, all the little aliens come home to roost and they need attention, a LOT of it. So, there's a baseball tryout for Tex, finding someone's uniform in the dirty laundry, a basketball game for Bandit, making a postgame cookie pizza, then a Manhattan before the Last Meal, then a couple of glasses of wine with said meal and, later, some quality Dick Button. And that's just Saturday.

On top of all this excitement, a blue norther blew in and the temperature dropped, like 40 degrees, in one hour. My maternal instinct kicked in(contrary to popular belief, I always spit out my young after eating them) and I decided to finish off the sweaters that didn't quite make it for our holiday ski trip. I have 1.5 sleves to finish on the braindead topdown sweater for Tex and then I can get started.

You can take that sock out now, and don't forget the dpns!

Friday, February 10

READY, STEADY, KNIT!


Jerry Lampen/Reuters

Well, it looks like all Knitting Olympians(Olympic frappr map ) as well as the Turin opening ceremony committee went apeshit yesterday. First, check out that map. Gadzooks! The total of knitters posted is up to 900 and counting. Yours truly posted as Team Cuba with a lovely yarn hag (I'm working on a button, it's sooo cute). Team Scotland...well, go look them up on the list. Now, that means that there are at least 900+ knitters out there that have some kind of computer access. Just imagine if the knitting police started monitering all the e-mail traffic....scary, very scary.

As for Turin, well, I had to make sure my DSs, Tex and Bandit, watched the hoopla to prove that tacky can be translated into many languages. What was it? A Fellini/Cirque de Soleil smackdown? Botticelli's Venus was right up there with the above wink-wink opera buffo. What was with all the flying monkeys? I was waiting for Cathy Rigby to show up any moment. Then we get Carla Bruni looking exactly like 'Carrie' before all hell broke loose.

photo(AP)

South Beach: We're in the 24-hour countdown. I scarfed down some Lay's Dill Pickle chips and a Hershey bar to fortify my daily intake of chemicals and transfats. Tex and Bandit are in training, as well, and got Kid Cuisine corn dog dinners. Tonight will be a veritable fat/starch/sugar blowout with blanquette de veau, pommes rissole, and probably a chocolate pot de creme. Martinis to start, a lovely Mas de Gourgonnier or Mas de la Dame, cuvee Gourmand for the plonk.

Cue up today's song, "Wipeout."
Now...back to those swatches, needles and the 5000m speed skate!


TEAM CUBA READY FOR ACTION

All Hail Olympians! OK, boys and girls, I just finished putting the finishing touches on my uniform for Team Cuba and I think the results are stunning.

I just can't wait to see your spiffy outfits as well. Do you honestly think t-shirts and sweatpants are appropriate garb for such a hallowed event as the Knitting Olympics? No, I didn't think so. I'm sure you're out there frantically sewing on those last few sequins and tassels and getting the glue ready for your pasties.

Just look at what Team Porcini has come up with:
Image hosting by Photobucket
Hats off to those wacky Slavs!

Oh dear, I must run and lay in provisions for the next 2 weeks.
Here's my list:
Next 2 days: choxie ,wine, beer, vodka, bufferin, pepto-bismol
Next 2 weeks: TV dinners for kids, puppy chow for Archie, Archie the Hellpup
Splenda, medical restraints, tissues, Wellbutrin XL,another remote control, and a copy of Deep Thoughts.
Well, that's a start. As if you have been grabbing supplies from your bomb shelters already. Huh. Double huh. Snort. Triple snort. I double dog dare you. I, oh.....nevermind.

South Beach Diet: It starts Sunday so I can load up for the next 48 hours.
Erik S. Lesser/Getty Images

Fantasy Fashion League: Just waiting for those Grammy points to come pouring in--thanks, Mariah!
FYI--I have been making progress re:html etc...please be patient and I did update my patient profile for your viewing pleasure. And check out my finished projects on that flickr doohicker--I spent hours uploading them for my personal photo pep talk.

Good Luck everybody! Yeah, right.....



Wednesday, February 8

My Yarn Boy is the Mailman


Oh joy! Dan the Mailman dropped off a special treat. The 2 skeins that I need to completeVK Holiday '05,#17 I made some changes, because that lace pattern made me very grumpy. I opted for a right twist, Yo combination. And then the front panel didn't look right, so I changed that to the cable/bobble that you can see in the photo. I hope those bobbles don't make me look like I have a litter of kittens, because I'm already sporting a bigtime mama cat pouch.

Here's the latest haul from the bookstore:
Do you see any design/pattern books there? I'm working on it.

I did have a serious powwow withLiz(Zimmerman), Babs(Walker), Jil(Eaton), Montse(Stanley) and the Glitter Twins, Laura(Bryant) and Barry(Klein). Liz kept chatting with Montse about her new book while Laura and Barry compared notes on TNNA. Jil was rather sullen after I made a crack about her 'Metro Vest' looking like protective gear for Iraqi bumblebees. Babs kept reading her tarot cards in hopes of getting a good sign for me--
tarot reading
Oh dear. Oh my. Babs, you just put back those cards and I'll get us all another glass of vino. Hey, Jil, I was only kidding...not about the hex, about that totally glam nightmare from Satan's needles vest! Speaking of vino....
TEAM PORCINIThose wacky 'Fantasia' bobbleheads have issued a statement via spokesman, Jens Gansehaut: "Team Porcini embraces all that is creative and cutting edge in the world of knitting and fiber arts. If that idiot hellspawn from Texas can't appreciate the deeper cultural and geopolitical significance of our work then we must be doing something right. Besides, we're not Italian. We are from Eastern Europe--can't you tell from the cast-on?"

Oh, Team Porcini, I wish you well......

Blocked and Loaded



Cheers, my fellow Olympians!

I have finished dyeing and winding my yarn into tidy little skeins. Here's a little photo essay of the process:


Now, don't they look cute, all lined up for the opening parade?

I swatched up my Procion Mx beauties on size 11 and 13 needles, my reason being is that we're wearing shorts here in Austin and I need something lightweight. OK, the real reason is that I'm a lightweight and big needles guarantee that I have a pig's chance in a BBQ joint of getting this done. Oh, wait! Let me introduce the newest addition to our pantheon of Olympic teams. They're a late entry from Marc Jacobs, courtesy of the NYTimes:

It's the revenge of the 'Fantasia' funghi! Yes, Team Porcini plans to sashay off the catwalks and open a new production of "Best Little Sporehouse in Texas," coming soon to a bog near you.
Todays goals: design my KO project. Four little words make THAT sound easy, don't they? DESIGN: look at every pattern book I have and steal, steal, steal. MY: brutally admitting that even I, the Bitch Goddess of Travis County, may not be perfect (let's not bring up the brilliant 'why not try dyeing this batch in the Maytag?' debacle). KO: Knitting Olympics, enough said. PROJECT: ideas come cheaper than used carseats at a yardsale on Planet Mary, so we're going to have to do a little work in the execution and completion departments.
ON TO A FEW AMUSING TIDBITS....
South Beach: Please refer back to top photo. See that bottle of wine? Yesssss, my sweeties, I was nippin' and swatchin.' And here's the promise of vinified delight from the label..."blahblah grape provides meaty touch, blahblah grape the chocolate notes, blahblah grape the joyful fruit and blahblah grape the red berry aromas.
Sounds like a meal in a glass to me.
Fantasy Fashion League: I am going to BURY those witches. BikeBoy aka Lance Armstrong aka the dumpee has pulled out as a presenter at the Grammys and all eyes will be on Sheryl Crow aka the dumper. Let's hope Mariah Carey uses a better stylist and not her accountant's niece in Far Rockaway.
Food: NYTimes has a feature on an Italian drink made with chocolate, cream and espresso. YUM. The name? Bicerin. Pronounced in English (bih-sir-in), this sounds like a painkiller for bi-polar disorder.

And now I leave you with one last shot, taken from today's Austin American-Statesman's Food&Life section. I tarted it up with the three remotes that our dog has chewed up. I think #4 is still buried in the yard. They're getting a jump on VD over there at the paper and have treated us to a chef smooching his wife with newborn pinned in between them.


CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
Birth Control that repeats and repeats and repeats.......

Tuesday, February 7

Photobucket

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Training Tips for Knitaletes

For all you knitaletes out there, this is good practical advice for your Olympic endeavors and anytime you knit.
I do think BeadLizard left out a few minor tips:

"Take frequent water breaks. Wine, say a nice Barolo, may be substituted after 5 p.m. in your time zone." Unless, you're the idiot who's starting the South Beach diet in support of El Flabbo, oops, Mr. Mary.

"Here in the Olympic Village, knitaletes are encouraged to strive for their personal best. Minor distractions like childcare, laundry, bill paying, and menu planning will not be tolerated and are considered detrimental to the epic task at hand."

"Reserve at least one remote control to override non-Olympic viewing choices, i.e. Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, or CNN.'

"Children make excellent personal trainers. Enlist them often to administer back rubs and foot massages. They respond more positively to bribes than threats. If children are not available in your household, friends or spouses make good substitutes. Bribes may involve monetary negotiations when using adult trainers."

"The Olympic teams have spent a lot of time and money on spiffy new uniforms. Please change your underwear."

"The Olympic spirit embraces camaraderie and fair play. Invite fellow knitaletes for viewing parties so you can interact with other humans and spy on their projects."

"Blogging is not a listed sport in the Olympics."

"Skiers wipe out and figure skaters fall. Ripping out is one the many knitting perils, suck it up."

"Do not EVEN think about using a finished project as back-up."

Clarification: Biathlon is traditionally a ski and shooting event. This does not mean knit AND shoot. No exceptions, regardless of the extreme circumstances.

Monday, February 6

Crocheted Steelers Doll

Here's one for all you Steelers fans...http://www.steelerbaby.com/
Congrats! Does this mean that Jerome Bettis' mom will be the new face of Campbell's Soups? If you remember, Donovan McNabb's mom was clearly knitting team scarves in those commercials.

Mr. Mary is sick today


CADA LOCO CON SU TEMA

This is a Cuban saying that basically means 'change the record, you idiot.'

Mr. Mary had a fever last night and is staying home from work today. My planet has been invaded by an alien. An alien who normally disappears at 7:30 am and returns around 6pm. I do not play well with others and I do not enjoy little alien interruptions in my busy domestic schedule. OK, thinking about my busy domestic schedule.

I was mulling over paying bills vs. sorting laundry OR taking one eensy weensy little peek at those lace patterns(unh-UNH, little missy!) when he thrust THIS into my hands(it's not what you think, you sick and twisted little buggers).




"Lamb Tagine with Peas and Tomatoes" from the Casa Moro cookbook, Sam&Sam Clark, pg. 226.





The picture is most enticing and you can actually see the steam. Too bad about that huge glob of fat in the foreground.
Amazing what Bayer aspirin does for evil little alien brains that are obsessing about their South Beach diet countdown. We went to London last year and ate at the revered Moro. Yes, I even have a signed copy--by the guy Sam. "I hope you enjoy the book." I would enjoy ripping out page 226 and .....the girl Sam breezed in later with a bunch of exquisite veggies and looked like she had a date with a sharp knife.


KNITTING: Just thrust a dagger in my heart, will you?
QUILTING: Well, I AM reading "Stash Envy," by Lisa Boyer--that counts for something, yes? I promise when the Olympics are over I will put more thought into designing "The Virgin of Guadalupe tells Dale Evans the real truth about The Village People." The fabrics are ready and waiting.....
BILLS: They....will...be....paid....today.
SORTING LAUNDRY: Things 1&2 will be home soon from school. Hey, kids, let's play the 'sort the sports t-shirts into nice tidy piles and put them away nicely' game. 30 minutes of Star Wars Battlefront II for the winner!